Warning extremely funny !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This article is courtesy of an MXForum.com post which I read and I thought deserved to be posted here.


Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??


WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the bu tton.

Nothing!

I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND
pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue
arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) but thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did wan t some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.


All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie lo oking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . .



HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE CRAP!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my gonads and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! 'If you think education is difficult, try being stupid.

Well 2009 is finally here and only three months until we will be open for the season. I have been working on the event schedule over the holidays and the last couple of weeks. I will be able to post the confirmed dates in the schedule page by Monday to allow you all to get a head start on planning for the 2009 season. I will once again host a round of the CMRC EOANQ in May as well as the final round of the Provincial Championships. I will also be hosting two or three of the CMRC Quad events in association with Monis Salib as well as some local club events. So check in next week to find out the schedule of events at Fourwinds for the 2009 season.
Obviously with the weather the way it is I haven't been doing much track work but Jamie Keast and I were there Monday and Tuesday starting work on the new starting line. We pulled all the posts out from directly behind the starting gate and removed the mound of dirt using it to build a burm around the pond. The start will work in the opposite direction going towards the pond and a right hand first corner, with the starting gate being up at the fence line of the pit area. 
I was also able to get a 60x10ft office trailer for the facility. This will be used primarily for events for race sign in & results, awards, medical and possibly a small pro shop just to carry some parts like levers, chains sprockets filters things like that. We cleaned and leveled the area infront of the tree line up at where the bikes enter the track and put the trailer in there on tuesday. I will start on re facing and building a deck infront of the trailer probably the beginning of March to make it look more like a building rather than a trailer.
I will be looking for a couple of people for staff for this season especially for events. If anyone would be interested let me know by e-mail and I can let you have all the info as to what is entailed. If you have knowledge of running trucks or tractors that would be an advantage. Also my wife is looking for a few girls/ladies to help with sign in and gate for events if interested please e-mail.